Overview: Scrubs

The text below is a dedication to our favourite member Zenith

(Charlie is sleeping in a meadow. A blue and red unicorn approach him. They speak in high-pitched, annoying voices.)

Blue: Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie, wake up.

Red: Yeah, Charlie. You silly sleepy-head, wake up.

Charlie: (groans) Oh, God, you guys. This had better be pretty frickin' important. Is the meadow on fire?

Blue: No, Charlie. We found a map, to Candy Mountain, to Candy Mountain, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, Charlie, we're going to Candy Mountain. Come with us, Charlie.

Blue: Yeah, Charlie, it'll be an adventure. We're going on an adventure, Charlie.

Charlie: Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now.

Blue: (jumping onto Charlie's back) Noooo, Charlie. You have to come with us to Candy Mountain.

Red: Yeah, Charlie, Candy Mountain. It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness.

Charlie: Please, stop bouncing on me.

Blue: (still jumping up and down on Charlie) Candy Mountain, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, Candy Mountain.

Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go with you to Candy Mountain.

(Cut to the three walking through the woods.)

Blue and Red: (singing) La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...

Charlie: Enough with the singing already.

Blue: Our first stop is over there, Charlie.

(The three stop in front of a large creature.)

Charlie: Oh, God, what is that?

Blue: It's a leo plurodon, Charlie.

Red: A magical leo plurodon.

Blue: It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.

Charlie: All right, guys. You do know that there's no actual Candy Mountian, right?

Blue: Shun the non-believer.

Red: Shhhunnn.

Blue: Shhhhhuunnnnnnn.

Charlie: Yeah.

(The leo plurodon "groans"

Blue: It has spoken.

Red: It's told us the way.

Charlie: It didn't say anything!

(Cut to the three on a bridge with Blue in front, Red in middle, and Charlie in back.)

Blue: It's just over this bridge, Charlie.

Red: This magical bridge, of hope and wonder.

Charlie: Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters? Seriously, guys, we shouldn't be on this thing.

Blue: Charlie, Chaarrrlie, Chaaarrlie, Chaaarr--

Charlie: All right, I'm here. What do you want?!

Blue: We're on a bridge, Charlie.

(Cut to the three in front of Candy Mountain.)

Red: We're here.

Charlie: Well, what do you know? There actually is a Candy Mountain.

Blue: (dancing and singing) Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness.

Red: Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Charlie.

Blue: Yeah, Charlie, go inside the cave. Magical wonders you will behold when you enter.

Charlie: Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here.

Red: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain candy cave, Charlie.

(Five letters (C, A, N, D, and Y) appear from Candy Mountain and sing and dance.)

Y: Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, just head right on up to the Candy Mountain cave. When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheery land, such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land. They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town, it's the Mecca of love and candy canes. It's got jellybeans and coconuts and little hats. Candy mats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets. Buy the candy train to town and view the candy man and the bells, it's a treat as they march across the land. Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground and astound, it's a dancing candy tree. And the candy cane imagination runs so free, so Charlie please will you go into the cave.

(All five letters run into each other and explode.)

Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go into the freaking candy cave. This had better be good.

(Charlie goes into the cave.)

Blue and Red: Yeah....

Blue: Goodbye, Charlie.

Red: Yeah, goodbye, Charlie.

Charlie: Goodbye, what?

(The door to the cave closes behind Charlie and the cave goes dark.)

Charlie: Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that?

(Sounds are heard as if Charlie is getting knocked out. Cut to Charlie lying in the grass. He has a closed-up incision on his side.)

Charlie: Ow, God, what happened? (noticed the cut) Oh, they took my fricking kidney!

(Music plays and the credits begin to roll.)

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YES MY NAME IS CHARLIE, GOOD PICKUP FAGGOTS. I hate this team.